Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones (Widescreen Edition)

Comment: For some reason, many people saw this as an improvement over episode 1. And I kind of understand why. No Jake Lloyd, not nearly as much screen time for Jar Jar, and Obi-Wan becomes more interesting as a character. But in my eyes, so many things were worse this time around. Qui-Gon's gone, and he is one of my favorite Star Wars characters. Darth Maul is dead, and we have a new villian for this movie. Count Dooku. He is played by Christopher Lee, and he is unbelievably bland. I can't put my finger on what's wrong with him, but he just bugged me so much. He does his best worst Darth Vader impression, in my opinion. The main problem I had with this movie, and arguably the worst thing about this trilogy, is Anakin Skywalker. He is simply the worst protagonist I have ever seen in a movie. I couldn't stand him. He's a whiny jerk. Anakin Skywalker is supposed to be a good man who gradually fell to evil, not this little crybaby. Part of this problem was the way Anakin's character was written, and part of it was Christensen's acting abilities. Another huge problem was the love story between Anakin and Padme. It was supposed to be a huge, passionate love story. Instead, it was two irresponsible teenagers getting married behind everyone's back. Their relationship was so contrived and wooden, that that alone makes this one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life.

The movie starts off with the following information. A large group of solar systems have decided to leave the Republic. They want to start their own government. They call themselves the Separatists, and they are led by Count Dooku, a former Jedi. The Republic does not want to allow them to leave. The Senate is debating whether to start a war to keep the star systems in the Republic. In a Democracy. Why would the Senate be trying to force the planets to stay in the Republic? Is it "leave the Republic and die?" They're talking about creating an army to keep the star systems from leaving. Are they actually talking about threatening to kill them if they leave? In a Democracy? Just another example of George Lucas's inept writing ability when it comes to these prequel films. Padme, who is now the Senator of Naboo, is just returning to Coruscant. She is against going to war. Someone is trying to assassinate her, presumably because she is the head of the group who wants to prevent the war from happening. After an attempt on her life, which is prevented through use of a decoy, Chancellor Palpatine suggests that an extra layer of security be added to her, in the form of a Jedi Knight. He suggests Obi-Wan Kenobi, since Padme alreay knows him and it would be easier with someone she already knows. Makes sense. Oh, and of course, Obi-Wan's five-year-old son will accompany him.

So now we finally meet a grown Anakin Skywalker. He is supposed to be a great man, at this point. So why is he such a whiny jerk? His first scene has him and Obi-Wan arguing about what they are there to do; protect padme, or figure out who wants to kill her. It seems that, after not having seen Padme for ten years, Anakin still has a crush on her. Some girl he liked when he was a little kid and hasn't seen in ten years. This scene illustrates the two biggest problems I have with the Star Wars prequels. Number one, Anakin, the hero and main protagonist, is a complete jerk. Number two, the romance between Anakin and Padme makes no sense at all. And since they actually try to use this as his primary motivation for turning to the dark side. Hilarious, really.

A few scenes and a long, CGI-infused speeder chase later, they deduce that a bounty hunter has been hired to kill Padme. The Jedi council orders Obi-Wan to capture the bounty hunter and discover who he is working for. They decide, geniuses that they are, that Anakin will continue to protect Padme. Even though Obi-Wan warns them that Anakin has an emotional attachment to her. They don't seem to care. The oldest and wisest of all Jedi Knights, ladies and gentlemen. So while Obi-Wan heads to Kamino to try to find this Bounty Hunter, Anakin and Padme disguise themselves as refugees or something, and journey to Naboo. They spend their time there flirting like a couple of immature sixteen-year-olds. Lucas had to get these two to fall in love, so he had to constantly shove it down out throats, because it made no sense at all. And why does she like him at all? Anakin is a jerk to her, and he hates all his authority figures, especially his master. He also makes a bunch of remarks about how Democracy sucks and a dictatorship would be so much better. Later, he and Padme have an argument about how they love each other, but both of them have committed to serve the republic. Anakin is not allowed to marry, so he wants to keep it a secret. Padme responds that they would be living a lie, and that it would destroy them. Later that night, Anakin has a dream about his mother. He decides to go to Tatooine to save her. Why didn't he do that a few years ago? It is never stated that the council wouldn't let him go back to rescue her. So why didn't he just go back? Anyway, he finds out she has been freed, and married to her new slave owner. But she was recently abducted by Tusken Raiders. He goes to the camp, and gets to talk to her for about thirty seconds before she dies, after saying something about being complete or something. Anakin then goes into a rage and kills all the Sand People. The men, women, and children. Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen. This would have been a good dramatic scene, if this was the first time Anakin had done something evil. But it's not. He's been evil throughout the whole movie. He's not a good man who gradully fell to evil, he's already evil. When he tells Padme about this, she responds "to be angry is to be human." And then she comforts him. I won't even go into the massive problems I have with a girl finding out her boyfriend just committed genocide and then comforting him, as if he's the one who's hurting.

While all this is happening, Obi-Wan has been tracking down the bounty hunter. He comes to Kamino to discover that the Kaminoans have been developing a clone army over the last ten years. They claim that it was under the orders of Sifo-Dyas, a Jedi Knight. Obi-Wan tells them that Syfo-Dyas is dead. They tell him that the basis for the clones is a bounty hunter called Jango Fett. Jango Fett says that he has never heard of Sifo-Dyas, and that he was recruited by a man called Tyranus. The Kaminoans have nothing to say to this, and this discrepancy is never really explained. As a side note, I thought th thing with Boba Fett being a clone of Jango Fett was kind of interesting. It ended up being kind of meaningless, since they didn't do anything with it. But still, I'll give a compliment whenever I get the chance. `Cause there's not a whole lot to give a compliment to where this movie is concerned. Obi-Wan reports the situation to the Jedi council. They assure him that they had nothing to do with the army, and that it was unauthorized. Obi-Wan follows Fett to Geonosis, where it is revealed that he is working for the Separatist movement. He is trying to kill Padme so that Nute Gunray will join the Separatists, not because he wants to sabotage her peace movement. Before Obi-Wan can discover more, he is captured. Count Dooku then TELLS HIM that the Senate is under the control of a Sith Lord. And since the chancellor is the one who controls the senate, he is indirectly telling him that the CHANCELLOR IS A SITH LORD!!!! Alas, it takes the Jedi one more movie to discover this. They only discover it because the chancellor tells them. Morons.

Anakin is ordered not to go after Obi-Wan. And as we all know, Anakin will follow orders when the plot requires him to. Padme says that she is going to help Obi-Wan, and that he will have to come along if he wants to continue to protect her. What was the point of that interchange between the two of them? Anyway, they get to Geonosis and after a big CGI video-game scene, the two of them are captured like a couple of morons. They, along with Obi-Wan, are sentenced to death. They have a fight with some CGI monsters for a while, until a huge army of Jedi show up. After an even longer CGI fight, the Jedi are beaten and only about twenty or so are left. Just as they are about to be finished off, Yoda arrives with the clone army. The same clone army that the Jedi Council knows were made without authorization and are probably a trap. A third CGI fight starts up, and the clones dominate the droids. Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme see Count Dooku trying to escape. They follow him. Padme suddenly falls out of the ship, and Anakin and Obi-Wan have a long, unnecessary debate about whether to leave her. Obi-Wan wants to pursue Dooku, and Anakin wants to go back to make sure she's okay. The thing is, they could have easily picked her up, and then kept going. Instead, they have a long and tedious argument. Anakin eventually agrees to leave her, and they pursue Dooku. The thing is, this scene was completely unnecessary. Padme is fine, she is found by some clone troopers five minutes later. I think the reason they had this whole scene in there was because they didn't know what to do with Padme during the lightsaber duel. Why didn't they just have Padme get on a different ship than Anakin and Obi-Wan? All this scene served to do was create pointless drama.
Obi-Wan and Anakin arrive at the hangar, and a crappy attempt at lightsaber dueling begins. After about two minutes, Count Dooku defeats both of them with ease. Then Yoda shows up. Dooku throws some stuff at Yoda, and that doesn't work, so he shoots lightning at him and that doesn' work. Then they start the fourth CGI action scene that has happened in the last five minutes. When I was a kid watching this, I thought it was a good scene. But now, it makes Yoda seem so much less interesting in my eyes. Yoda is supposed to be a great Jedi, not because he is so good at sword-fighting, but because he is wise and in tune with the force. This scene looks funny, but it does not do the character any justice. Dooku escapes, and the clone war begins. The clone army is brought to Coruscant, and the clone war begins. Anakin and Padme get married in secret, because she loves him despite the fact that he is an evil mass murderer.

Attack of the Clones was, at the time, the worst Star Wars movie. The protagonist was a jerk, and this alone is enough to make the movie suck. But that's just one of many problems. The conflict makes no sense. Practically every plot point is silly or contrived. As i said earlier, the good guys are complete and utter morons. But don't worry, it gets a whole lot worse in the next movie.

Comment: The DVD arrived promptly and exactly as described. I am very satisfied with this transaction.

Comment: This prequel is an step up from the one before, which is damning with faint praise. At least I don't feel I'm having backstory offloaded by the spade-full. And this time I don't feel that Lucas is replaying the greatest hits of the original trilogy. Though it's far from perfect, I was able to sit back and let this one wash the bad taste of Episode I from my mouth.

Indeed, the contrast between this film and the original trilogy is very interesting. Where the original trilogy was about a small band fighting on the fringes of society, this is a very urban story, a fight happening at the heart of power. The CGI street scenes create a hectic but claustrophobic feel the original films could never hope to touch.

It also isn't nearly as rushed as the first film. Neal Stephenson famously explained his view of the failure of Episode I, that the sci-fi geek stuff had been pinched off into ancillary media like books and video games. Not so here. Unlike the prior film, this one cares enough about the audience to stop and explain what's happening and why it matters.

And this movie removes some of the errors of Episode I. Jar-Jar Binks is reduced to a minor supporting role, while Mace Windu gets out of his beanbag chair and actually moves, and Natalie Portman gives up on her lousy fake British accent. Lucas and his actors focus this time on what they're good at, and the movie benefits from it.

I still miss the funky retro ethos of the original trilogy. But this one recaptures some of the smart, morally complex desperation that made the original so much worth watching. Not just a commercial for its merchandizing, this is an actual film in its own right, and I can bring myself to watch it more than once. Which is a definite step forward.

Comment: Attack Of The Clones' is better than `The Phantom Menace' in two ways:

(a) It has a stronger individual story: instead of the dull trade dispute of the first film, the assassination plot against Padme and the buildup to the Clone Wars are actually interesting.

(b) It has a stronger connection to the original trilogy: many of the events here clearly foreshadow important plot points of Episodes IV-Vi ; the ascension of Palpatine to Republic leader, the creation of the Clone Army, the beginning of the War, Anakin's relationship with Padme, and the first hint of his descent into Darth Vader.

Overall, Episode II is a more entertaining movie than Episode I. The pacing is much better throughout, with a number of excellent set action pieces. The climactic battle and the duel between Yoda and Dooku are the highlights of the entire trilogy. And unlike the intergalactic politics of Episode I, there is a greater focus on plot and character development here.

However, problems from `The Phantom Menace' remain. Once again, the film feels quite leaden and forced, as if Lucas was trying too hard to recapture the magic of the original films. The dialogue can be a bit stilted at times, and is laughably cheesy during the so-called `romantic' scenes between Anakin and Padme. And as before, the acting is a mixed bag. Ewan McGregor is beginning to grow into the role of Obi-Wan, there is a good turn from Christopher Lee as Dooku, while Ian McDiarmid once again steals the show as the duplicitous Palpatine. The two leads, however, are let down by the script and turn in ordinary performances.

In fact, this movie's greatest achievement might be that it makes Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen look like bad actors. Portman at least had some runs on the board as an actress, but Christensen might find it hard to live down his role as Anakin. The script gives him nothing, making him come across as a selfish, whiny brat, and neither his relationship with Padme nor the emergence of his Dark Side feel very realistic. What should have been the central character in the movie becomes a black hole into which everything else is sucked.

Like Episodes I and III, it's nowhere near as good as the original movies, but I'd say `Attack Of The Clones' is the best of the new trilogy.

Comment: In terms of acting, plot, dialogue, and special effects, Attack of the Clones is light years beyond The Phantom Menace. Much of the movie focuses on the mystery of the clone army. It ends with a spectacular battle scene - still one of the best sci-fi battles out there.

I like a lot about Attack of the Clones, but at the end of the day it just seems like the plot still needed to be worked out. There is a whole mystery about who built the clone army, but this is never fully explained. Also, it's not really clear why the Separatists were building a Death Star. I'm a Star Wars geek and it took me a while to figure these plot twists out. It's certainly not going to appeal to casual fans. Also, while the main actors are fine, the extras are sometimes a bit corny - particularly the Jedi at the end of the movie and the other Separatist leaders. Good, but not quite up to par with Episodes IV and V.