Dungeons & Dragons (2000) [VHS]

Comment: You are faced with an excess of very unrealistic-looking CGI. The whole of the Empress' castle, not to mention the entire city, all of the dragons, most of the weapons, the fantastic landscapes, all look somewhat less beautiful and less real than the average Larry Elmore Dragon cover. You have 10 weeks and $10 million to try to make them better. What do you do?

You miss, sorry, the THACO on this attack was 6 and you rolled a 4.

There is a screenplay before you, filled with gaping holes in the action (why are they suddenly in an empty forest at least twice? why is the female magician unable to use magic except when it's convenient? why is our callow hero, Ridley, so special and the only one who can complete this quest, ad infinitum) and some of the worst dialogue you've ever heard:

Norda: How old are you? Snails: Twenty-three. Yeah, I know I'm a little young for you, but what if I get my hands on an aging potion, huh? I'll sacrifice a couple of years for you. Norda: I'm two hundred and thirty-four.

Not to mention an ending that's beyond pathetic.

This one doesn't look too hard to beat, go ahead and give it a shot...oh, a swing and a miss. Sorry you rolled a 1, you only needed a 2.

The actors are as miserable as the screenplay, before you are Thora Birch, a petulant child spouting modern notions of equality; Justin Whalin, dull as dishwater and completely unconvincing as our "chosen hero"; Lee Arenberg having no more conviction than most hyper 12-year olds that choose to play dwarven fighters; etc etc. Only Jeremy Irons seems to know what he's doing, and that's taking the money and running with it and having a fine time playing totally over-the-top - and totally off from everybody else.

Separate attacks please -- oh, miss miss miss miss miss...but you HIT on Irons; he's actually providing a good show! He chews the scenery, he knows it's not serious for an instant. Would that he could have imparted some of this to anyone else....

How about the director? This all-seeing beholder-type monster has put his foot in almost every action sequence, directing in the most unimaginative ways possible, and paraphrasing (that's a kind word for "ripping off") Indiana Jones more than once, most notably in an awful fight in the thieve's guild. This one should almost be as easy as the script to knock out...

Sorry. Another 1. Although if it makes you feel better, the THACO here was 4.

A bonus for you, intrepid dungeoneer. As you've persevered despite your horrible losses, I give you a bonus. It is the Marlon Wayans monster, AKA Stepin Fetchit for the D&D crowd. Whether he's whining about doing the dirty work, wailing like a stuck pig, or spouting (PG) urbanisms even more out of place than most of the rest of the dialogue in this turkey, good ol' Marlon gives one of the most solid Uncle Tom performances seen in ages. Yassuh, give him a shot.

Wow. Miss again. You really don't know how to play this game, do you? Please start rolling up a new character....

Comment: The reason for 4 stars is because it is a good laugh.

It is a BAD movie. A heck of a lot of the acting is awful (the empress mostly), the scenes are hokey, the plot is generally predictable, and sometimes it flows poorly.

I enjoy watching it however. I own the movie, and it is perfect when I need comedy. It is still a pretty classic "oh no evil wizard, lets save the empire!" story, and it has humorous lines. The rogues are entertaining, and who doesn't like watching a drunken dwarf fail to ride a horse? The mage is fairly whiny, but that's expected of a spoiled brat.
The dragon animation is decent (for the time) and I always enjoy the end with the dragon um... having a little snack... at the end.

It is a cheap movie, but worth it for that price. Don't expect a lot, and you'll get plenty. Expect too much, and you'll be disappointed.

Comment: I thought this movie based on the game wasn't satisfying and left much to be desired. Even the most grizzled D & D vet will have a hard time sitting throught the mediocrity of this picture. The animated Dragons of Autumn Twilight was considerably better.

Comment: I saw this as a teenager and it made me sick. I tried to watch it again on cable TV as an adult and it STILL sucks!

Comment: It has been many years since I watched this travesty of a film, but even after thousands of competitors, I still find Dungeons & Dragons to be the worst film I have seen. As a big fan of the D&D game (I grew up playing it for years) I had high hopes for the movie. A budget of 35 Million dollars at the time was quite a lot of money, and Jeremy Irons is one of my favorite actors (for Irons at his best, try the original Brideshead Revisited miniseries). It gives me no pleasure to pan the film, or Irons' performance in it, but there is just no other way... they just were both *terrible*. With cheezy special effects, ridiculous dialogue and acting that is scary bad, you wind up with one big mess. My favorite line from Irons as Profion was "I'm looking for my stone... I want my stone!" You can imagine with dialogue like *that,* the actors did not have a chance. Avoid at all cost.